


Tell me does your heart beat (For something it can't have)

by bookish_changeling



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Banishment, Caretaker Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, M/M, Minor Injuries, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:40:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27510934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookish_changeling/pseuds/bookish_changeling
Summary: When Castiel saves a human boy from drowning, he's cast out of his home, and left to wander.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 27





	Tell me does your heart beat (For something it can't have)

The wound doesn't hurt.

That’s the first thing he notices.

It stings, sure, but he shrugs it off, because nothing matters anymore.

It should hurt more than this. 

He wants to hurt more than this.

Nothing feels real.

The waves dash him against the cliffs, and he gasps as they shred into his scales.

He deserves this.

He's going to die out here, and he deserves it.

He’d gone against everything he’s ever been taught, and he saved a boy.

He looked like Dean, the boy had, and Castiel couldn’t bear to see the human drown, even though his friend was nowhere near them, and a merman like himself.

But the green eyes had been wide with panic, and Castiel dove, thinking, what if it had been his best friend?

Maybe this boy was the best friend of someone on shore, who was waiting for him to come back.

Castiel had been seen, though, by a dark-eyed boy from the village. Inias.

The news was broadcast through the kingdom.

The King’s son had saved a human.

His father’s eyes had been hard, and cold, flashing with fury.

“You will never be welcome here again,” Michael hissed. “You’ve betrayed everything we stand for, Castiel. You saved a human. I cannot forgive you for this. You’re not welcome in this land, and you’re not welcome in this family.”

Coils of pain wrapped around his heart, and he bowed, hiding the trembling chin. “Yes your Majesty.”

He had turned, head bowed in subservience, to leave.

That’s when he saw Dean.

Chin up, eyes straight ahead, refusing to meet Castiel’s gaze.

Anger radiated from every line of his body, and Castiel flinched away, curling his arms around his stomach, and darting away in a spiral of fins.

Dean’s anger hurt worse than any of this.

He had never been close with his father and siblings, and although he hated the thought of a future without them, it was the thought of life without Dean that had his breath coming in panicked gasps.

He couldn’t do this.

He couldn’t.

He traveled without stopping for what felt like forever, tail burning and arms aching from slamming into rocks under the cover of darkness

A cave beckoned his weary body, and he slipped in easily, groaning in relief as the soft sand welcomed him.

Next light, he was off again.

He hadn’t eaten in almost a week when he finally gave in to the sharp pains in his stomach.

There hadn’t been an urge to stop and eat as he fled, and he wouldn’t be doing so if he wasn’t getting weak from it.

In his tired state, it was difficult to move fast enough to catch anything, but he found some snails hidden under an outcrop of rocks

They were just as difficult to break open, and the sharp edge of the snails cut into his fingertips, and he glanced around worriedly.

The smell of blood in the water would attract sharks if he wasn’t careful.

Castiel wrenched several kelp strands from the seabed, selecting the largest and widest leaves, setting them aside, and then using the rest to bind his injuries.

Then he started weaving.

Under, over, around, repeat, until he was holding a small bag, large enough to hold some of the snails, but small enough that it wouldn’t impede his swimming.

Just down the coast, he could see the light of one of the human towers with a glowing ball at the top.

The light comforted him, and he curled up in a niche where he could still see it, eyes closing with fatigue.

With stillness came the realization that he was fully alone.

He had known, of course, but he hadn’t let himself stop long enough to understand it, or to register that he could never go home.

With that thought, the tears came.

Castiel turned his face to the surface, relishing the burn of the air against his features, and cried.

Sob after sob, body shaking with each labored inhale, he cried

The tears didn’t slow, and he cried until the sun was painting the sky the color of pink coral.

Each time he stopped to rest, he ate a small handful of snails.

The stash was running out though, and he’d have to hunt soon.

As he cut through the dark blue water, haunting calls followed him, until he saw the looming shape of a large fish.

He stopped dead, eyes widening in apprehension, before relaxing as he saw the dolphin.

“Hello there,” he said softly. The language of dolphins was only known to a few, but it was said that they could understand Mer-speak well.

“I need to get away. Can I travel with you?”

The dolphin chittered softly, swimming a circle around him, and pausing by his side.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Castiel left the pod the day after, continuing along the coastline to finally hunt.

He had rested enough that he could actually hunt, and he managed to catch several smaller fish, of which he ate half, saving the rest for the next day.

The skylights were brighter than he had ever seen them, and he spent the night watching them until he fell asleep.

He was woken by the small lapping of waves against his skin.

They were growing larger as he watched, and a curl of fear rose in his belly.

The storm was coming.

He ducked out of his hiding place, knowing it wasn't secure enough to protect him from the storm, and hurried to find a new resting place.

He wasn't anywhere near one when the storm struck.

Heavy waves battered at him, sending him careening off course, and dangerously near the sharp rocks at the water's edge.

He gritted his teeth and swam through it, tail lashing as he struggled to find haven.

The longer he fought, the weaker his arms felt, and the slower he swam, until he was being tossed around at the mercy of the sea.

At that point, he gave up.

He didn't care what happened.

Everything hurt, his heart sore, and he wanted something he could never have, so he let go.

Stopped moving, let the sea have its way. 

It would be easier this way.

A scream of pain was wrenched from him when he slammed into the unforgiving cliffs, sharp rocks slicing easily through his skin before the wave retreated, leaving him trembling with pain, and curled around the small outcrop.

As his eyes slipped closed, he heard the roar of thunder, and a bright flash of lightning through his eyelids.

Then nothing.

A sound cut through the air.

Quiet, barely there, but the sound of someone humming.

Gentle hands rolled him over, face pressed into something soft, and fingers rubbed something soothing onto his skin.

After a while, he noticed that there were no hands on him, no humming coming from the stranger, and he forced his eyelids open, groaning softly with the effort.

It was night, and he slowly registered the sound of breathing beside him.

Rolling over took more strength than he had guessed, and he was left panting, trying not to cry out from the pain.

Then he lifted his gaze, and couldn't stop the sharp inhale.

Dean.

His best friend lay beside him, head resting on his arm, the other outstretched toward Castiel, fingers twitching slightly.

His vision blurred, and he let out a small sob.

Dean was here, Dean came after him, he's safe-

The sound roused Dean, who rolled over onto his back, yawning tiredly.

Then he turned, and their eyes met, followed by an expression of heartbreaking relief that spread across Dean's features.

"Cas!" Dean reached for him, tugging him into a tight hug. "I was so worried." His voice broke. "I had to tell Sam where I was going, and then I couldn't find you, and I've been trying to find you ever since you left, and-"

Castiel buried his face in Dean's neck, shoulders shaking with repressed emotion. "I thought you didn't care," he whispered painfully. "I thought you weren't coming."

“What?” Dean shook his head quickly, holding him tighter. “No way, Cas. I will always come after you. I promise. You’re- you mean a hell of a lot to me, Cas. No way was I gonna let you go.”

Castiel let out a heavy breath, curling into the embrace. “I missed you.”

Dean pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head, laying back down, but keeping Castiel in his arms. “Try to get some more sleep. You look like you haven’t been taking care of yourself at all.”

“What if this is a dream?” He shook his head tightly. “I don’t want you to disappear.”

“I’m not gonna leave you, sweetheart.”

Castiel’s tail twitched at the endearment, and he stifled a sob in the back of his throat. “Dean?”

“There’s something I need to tell you, Cas.” He could feel Dean’s hand trembling against his shoulder. “I don’t want this to- to change anything, if you don’t- don’t feel the same, but I thought I’d never see you again, and I just needed to tell you.” Dean’s chest rose with a deep inhale, and he buried his face in Castiel’s hair. “I’m in love with you.”

The words stunned him into silence, and he let out a soft exhale of disbelief. “You- what?”

“I’m in love with you,” Dean repeated, voice shaking. “I have been for years. I know you don’t feel the same, but I needed to tell you.”

“What-” he inhaled sharply. “You... What do you mean I don’t feel the same?”

Dean pulled back just enough to see his face. “Cas, you’ve never been interested in anyone. Let alone me, or even guys in general.”

“I was never interested in anyone because the only Mer I wanted wasn’t interested, I thought.” Castiel let his eyes slip closed. “I was always interested in you, Dean. I’ve always loved you, even before I knew what the word meant.”

There was a beat of shocked silence, before Dean dipped in to press their lips together, soft and tentative.

When he moved back, it was only far enough to meet Castiel’s eyes. “I’ve never told you why we stayed, did I?”

Castiel blinked. “What?”

The change of topic had his bewildered mind spinning to keep up.

“I told you that me an’ Sammy were always wandering, right? Before we came to the village?”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah… why-?”

“I have a relevant point, I promise.” Dean pressed another kiss to his forehead. “Anyway. We were only planning on staying for a few rotations, but then I met you. We were really young, and that’s the only thing I remembered about that moment, but I wanted to stay, cause I’d never met anyone like you before, and I was curious. So we stayed. And months turned into years, and we just never left. The only reason we were there at all was you, Cas. Now you're not there, there wasn't anything keeping me. And if you want, Sam said we could travel again, and you could stay with us. Whaddya say?"

Castiel stayed silent for a moment, overwhelmed.

Dean took the silence as a negative, and his shoulders slumped. “You don’t have to, I just thought it’d be-”

He pressed his hand over Dean’s mouth gently. “I’d love to. Where is Sam?”

“He said he’d wait for our answer at the reef.”

Castiel pressed his face into the warm skin of Dean’s neck. “Our decision?”

“Yeah. Wherever you go, I go. Banished or not, remember?”

He laughed, emotion choking his throat. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too." Dean pulled him closer, tail curling around him, and chin resting on top of his head. "You don't need to answer now, okay? Get some rest."

"I want to go." He closed his eyes tightly. "With you."

"Okay." Dean kissed his forehead gently, tension seeping away. "We'll talk about it tomorrow."

"Dean."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

Castiel shook his head weakly, eyes burning. "For coming after me."

Dean pulled away slightly, face set in a small frown. "Cas, listen to me. There's nothing that's ever going to stop me from coming after you, got it?"

"Yeah." He smiled shakily, letting Dean pull him back into his arms. "Got it."

"Good."


End file.
